


friendship is the alias of boredom

by Elisye



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry
Genre: Gen, another witch!ouma and witch!shirogane fic that no one asked for, i am literally only tagging speaking characters rip, rip the rushed ending riporoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 18:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15297555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisye/pseuds/Elisye
Summary: It's hard not to get sick of playing a killing game more than a hundred times.





	friendship is the alias of boredom

**Author's Note:**

> me: i should rewrite one of my fics  
> me:  
> me:  
> brain: do anything but that
> 
> ALSO NEW UMINEKO AND WTC COMING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT FUF CK IN W A IT!!!!

 

"Hey. Hey."

Shirogane hums a sound - acknowledgment at its finest. Jokes on her, because you're not really acknowledging her either. Chin in hand, you stare resolutely at the board and its fathomless boundaries, making pieces move one after another.

It's getting boring.

"Hey, Shirogane-chan. Wanna hear something?" A white pawn kills a black knight - the explosion blows away the remaining white pawns, leaving the mastermind's monochrome avatar with no more overbearing children to play with. Not that it's a victory, because sooner or later, she's going to mass-produce them back into existence. What a cliche. "Well, I'll tell you anyway. You're stuuuuupid."

"That's nice, Ouma-kun." Like an aunt trying to shoo away the niece she was asked to babysit, the girl focuses on the next big thing - four pieces of black are approaching the back rows, to their final chance at promotion. This game could have plenty of endings, but Shirogane always hates it when the prime version of the sixth trial happens. So, as much as she wants to underestimate the remaining students left, she has to prepare herself to the maximum. She can't let a miracle happen for the second time. Or more technically, the 147th time.

You scoff, and nudge your pawn just a little bit closer to the end. "What, no criticism? Nothing constructive for my insults?"

"Insults can't be developed like characters."

"Now that's wrong, and narrow-minded at best."

You hum an idle tune, thinking back to a rather distant, human life - twitter feeds and navy blue dashboards, filled with creativity, scum, and too much love for an immoral tv show. Unrestrained by reality, people could be surprisingly eloquent with their curses.

Shirogane sets her avatar forward, the white queen wearing the crown of the white king. Taking the crown would mean the end of this game, but not the end of the show - because the real white king is standing outside of the board, watching, an eager spectator. The remaining black pieces become stone-solid or shudder behind the railings of their courtroom stand. It takes a lot out of you to not roll your eyes, especially when your opponent starts giggling to herself like she has already won everything.

Typical, for Miss Mastermind - you'd think someone as cunning as her would know not to put all of her eggs in the same wicker basket.

That's why you have a chance. That's why, almost always, her favorite ending doesn't happen.

And sure enough, despite the white queen blocking the way every time the pieces wanted to move - a black pawn slips forward, eventually. You can't help the smirk on your face as you swap the pawn for a king piece, pressing him onto an indigo square with more firmness than needed. It's a statement move.

"Check," you say.

For the next five seconds, it's pin-drop silence.

The witch glares at the board, two fingers pinching her queen with the readiness to move, but also the hesitance of not having a brilliant plan yet. Slowly, slowly, she looks up at you, sees your grinning and the dazzling row of teeth pointed her way, and lifts her queen piece over the head of your king piece.

But she doesn't slam it down right away. So you keep grinning.

"...I could do it," Shirogane hisses. What _resentment._ "If Saihara-kun is out of the picture, the others won't have the motivation to keep going on with the trial, nor the resolution to pick up where he left off. They'll just default to the choices I offer them."

A part of you sees the logic behind a move like that. And the thing about Shirogane is that, as a blank slate, she could behave in any way she wants as long as she has the right cues and justification for it. As a veteran writer who has tinkered with this exact setting for far too long - she knows exactly what elements are available for manipulation and use, and so, it probably doesn't take much out of her to get nearly any result, if she tried.

The keyword here being _nearly,_ of course.

So you grin, grin, and grin.

"The personality of Enoshima-chan is definitely really out there, but you know that'd be boring for her as well as the audience, right?" On a small whim, you wiggle your bishop piece in its square. Below the meta-realms, Yumeno starts to fidget a lot under her hat. "Not only is it the worst kind of boring to kill a character off the bat like that, you're doing it because he's disagreeing with you. Anyone can see that it's an abuse of privilege here - you, the remaining students, the audience, everyone. Was your wonderful Enoshima Junko the type to enjoy flaunting how powerful she was?"

Shirogane clenches her queen a bit tighter. Her lips are pursed to the point that you don't think she'd want to humor you with a response.

But surprise surprise—! "No. Something like power or authority is meaningless to her. Nothing but despair is worth pursuing."

You nod, the gesture of a mocking sage. "Then, you know how your piece here should act. Considering she's trying to emulate her faaaaavorite shit waifu right now."

Something like a scowl creeps across the other's face. You lock eyes with her in a sudden, silent battle - a predictable minigame of reverse-medusa. It begins, proceeds, but immediately decides to end when Shirogane stays too idle, too distracted away from the events of the game board to notice your king managing to rally everyone in the world onto his side. The two of you break away from the intense staring as the sound of flickering screens murmur into the back of your heads, the piece version of Shirogane watching blankly, bewildered, betrayed as the masses turn their backs on her and her interpretation of love. On your side of the game board, Kiibo powers the rockets on his back, and the other three students prepare to breathe their last.

Dismayed is an easy word for describing your opponent's face here. Frustrated is another, but it's been blunted down a lot by the constant losing.

Reluctantly, Shirogane sets her queen back on the board, where it magically topples over and gets crushed under a boulder. She stares at her own corpse like it's a broken barbie doll.

"...Looks like I win again. For the _147th time,_ woooooow." Whatever amusement there should be in your words, there's only a flat boredom. You cross your arms behind your head before leaning back into your cushy armchair, watching the chandeliers above with a sigh. "Though, the moment we got to the sixth trial with nothing different happening before that, it felt kind of expected."

"Doesn't mean that the story can't derail at the ending," she says, much too softly to be artificial, watching the survivors pull themselves out of the rubble and into the sun. "I could have stopped them."

"But you didn't."

"There are rules to follow. A logic that needs to make sense. Even as witches, we have to do that too."

You dip your head down for a moment, frowning slightly at her. "And if you had decided to be _yourself_ in the sixth trial?"

Shirogane offers a wane smile. "Who knows? Maybe I really would have killed Saihara-kun. But it doesn't matter - because there's no such thing as a _me_ in the game. Only the characters I play as."

"Liar," comes out of your mouth without thinking.

The mastermind blinks at you, ready to retort something or the other - but then the room wavers, swims, the ambient lightning and antique furniture replaced with florescent white and hard plastic. The warm aroma of tea and books transform into a fresh smell, into wild greenery growing along the walls, into the atmosphere of a school built for sick entertainment and television dramas. The only thing that hasn't changed is your checkered scarf and Shirogane's blue hair, really.

Not a second passes before the doors to the cafeteria swing open, revealing a crew of the walking dead. Momota heads the group, his morning cheer dimmed down a notch when he immediately spies the two of you already seated inside. You give him a bunch of obnoxious air kisses, as if you didn't just watch a version of him die a few hours ago.

"Good morning," Shirogane greets everyone, like a normal person. And like slightly less normal people, everyone responds with their own form of morning greetings.

"Morning, Shirogane-san," Akamatsu chirps, a note of surprise - not relief? - submerged somewhere as she approaches the table. "We were wondering where you guys were when you didn't answer our knocking."

"Ah - did we worry you?"

"Oh, no." Akamatsu waves a hand to be reassuring. "We just thought that you two might have wanted to sleep in."

"Yeah, a lot's happened since we woke up here yesterday," Momota adds, scratching the back of his head. "I mean, getting kidnapped and trapped in this place just for a dumb dating show? I still can't wrap my head around it."

For a split second, you and Shirogane share a look.  _This_ is where the sea of fragments decided to dump the both of you?

" _—_ Anyway!" Momota knocks his fists together, the fondest form of jock-headed determination. "We all decided to go explore more of this place after having breakfast. How about you guys?"

Shirogane opens her mouth to accept or refuse, but you cut in before a word gets out - "No thanks! Me and Shirogane-chan are playing chess right now, and that sounds waaaaaay more interesting than some boring school tour, if you ask me!"

The astronaut's eyes flicker to the chessboard on the table, a plain layout of only white and black squares surrounded by captured pieces. On the board, a white king sits in check next to the black king, while a black bishop and a black rook watch on. Despite the game being clearly over for anyone acquainted with the rules of chess, Momota just shrugs and takes your response in stride. "Fine, if that's what you two wanna do."

"I _—_ I'd still like some breakfast though," the cosplayer finally interjects, a small but awkward smile on her face as she glances at the group, and pointedly ignores a couple of faces in particular. A part of you wants to roll your eyes at that.

"Very well," Toujou replies, stepping forward, giving a polite nod in acknowledgment. "Ouma-kun? Will you be joining us for breakfast as well?"

To that, you close your eyes and fold your arms, humming a long-drawn sound to exaggerate the comical image of museful thinking. Of course, though, because food is surely one of the last few pleasures there can be - and it doesn't have a tainted association, unlike for some downright unfortunate witches - you smile wide and agree. Besides, who wouldn't want to eat a meal prepared by the Ultimate Maid?

With preferences and allergies made clear after, most of the students take their seats, with others following the maid into the kitchen to help. You and Shirogane exchange one last meaningful look before an unsaid ceasefire is formed, the girl taking the initiative towards peace by folding the chessboard back into a locked box, pieces and figurative deceased collected inside it. As you take the box to set aside, Hoshi idly asks where the two of you found the chess set, thus opening an easy pathway to simple conversation.

And so, for the time being, the witches go back to sleep, in favor of their human forms playing about in amicable chatter.

(In your opinion - games of gore and glory can be entertaining for only so long, honestly.)

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [what from my seclusion does this charlatan demand?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962876) by [wingless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingless/pseuds/wingless)




End file.
